"We can let July just be July, let the sun hang in the sky, clear your mind of all the things you're waiting on. Let there be a second you forget all the work you still have left, 'cause tomorrow's just a little later on... later on." July, Lily Williams
This might be a little long, I'm sorry. I have a lot to say to you.
First, Alayna is the dreamer behind this, she really wanted to wear dresses into the river and see what creativity came from it, so here we are.
July was a wonderful month for me. Not because life was perfect. But because God's showing me how to show up and He's also showing me how to rest in it all. How to delight in Him, and how to let Him love me all the places I think He's not supposed to. He taught me on a new level that I'm not just who I've always been. I'm His. And we're growing in the reality of that. He's drawing out all these insecurities and showing me how, through prayer, to address them.
A helpful phrase for me this week is every time my mind runs off and I start to overthink He reminds me to pause. I quote, out loud, " 'He satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagles.' (Psalm 103) I trust You, God," and move on. Those relationships I'm thinking thinking thinking about? God satisfies that desire for love and friendship with GOOD things. Rely on Him and you don't have to rely on you or other people. Delight yourself in the LORD. And He aligns the rest. Set your heart, your mind, on Jesus.
So here's how we captured July.
(Alayna gave me SO many good photos. I'm just not sharing them all here today haha)
Here's a specific story I typed out in a note one day:
Nothing can ever be quite normal with me haha. Or so it would seem.
Fun fact. When I was 14 they said I couldn’t go out for track because my heart would explode (thank God Who is good! - I hate running). Oh and by the way I wouldn’t be able to have kids.
Turns out I’m fine.
21. They were panicking over possible cancer. …Dealt with that. God gave me the most uncanny joy for Him. He, Himself. When everything I’d ever dreamed was suspended in air - ironically by the way that was also specifically a no kids scenario - He made it all… well.
I need a yearly checkup for a while but that, too, is fine.
At 22 come to find out the good Lord made me with a tiny bit of extra bone. No big deal if it didn’t rub against my hip, creating the need for an extra set of joints. It has been chronically a pain my whole life and I had no idea. I honestly barely noticed it and assumed it was normal, assumed it was just me (which it is). I’m not being modest when I say it was no big deal. Until I damaged it recently . And now… the list of things that are hard to do gets bigger. I can’t reach forward and lift a heavy bowl from the sink. I can’t bend and pull the Costco sized peanut butter from my fridge. I can't sit in a car to the end of my driveway without pain. I can't roll over in bed. The bright side is my thighs get a nice workout from all the carefully formed squats I do to keep from bending. But I can’t sit on the couch and talk to my friend, I have to lay on her floor. Even then it’s slowly claiming more of my comfort and mobility and I fight the irrational fear this is what it’s like to slowly damage your back and become paralyzed while the doctors take their sweet time .
Why do I tell you this?
Well, one, I’m a drama queen.
But more importantly it's a reminder that life is fragile. You and I have an enemy. Who isn’t a fan of you using your voice or spreading God’s Kingdom or fighting for the lost or supporting a cause. I’m not saying this is from the enemy. But I am saying he’s known for attacking what is good. For attacking core beliefs. Beauty is a deep part of a woman- why do you think it is so distorted for her? Capability is a necessity for a man, why is he so afraid of failing? The Light only ever heals and restores, why does Satan kick and scream that it burns? Asking for prayer is powerful yet the enemy of your soul subtly tells you- without your notice often- that it probably won’t be much and will only be uncomfortable for any given party. When you are fearless he counters desperately with doubt. When you are strong he tries to remind you you are incapable of being anything but inevitably weak. When God made me passionate and deep the enemy never lets me forget I’m too much.
And we let him run our minds without a thought - except perhaps for a desperate moment of looking to Heaven and asking God to please just make it stop.
Why do I tell you this? Because I want to encourage you:
I’m learning about who I am.
I’m not just a person God has to love because He made them and technically saved them.
I’m not just the okay daughter whereas someone else really holds His delight. (Oh the mystery of being corporately, individually, uniquely and equally loved.)
I’m His daughter.
He’s not a man that He lies. He meant it when He called me it by His Word.
I have authority in Jesus Christ. Power in my testimony, the Blood of the Lamb, the victory of His resurrection and active life. I have joy in life, hope in future and peace in what He wills. I can wage war. I can be strong. I can pray powerfully by intentionality, not just drive-by prayers where I throw a petition like a paperboy throws a paper on God’s lawn. I can go to the throne room. I can kneel at His feet. I can rest and adore. I can have the Lion of Judah inside me as I face the enemy and fight.
- Again Sarah. It feels like two separate stories and points here.
Maybe I just want to pay attention.
To the themes, the patterns.
What does Satan attack?
My body, my legacy. My image, my perception, my feminine heart. My loved ones to get me good and riled. My attention, my desires, my identity.
But here’s the thing:
He’s not perfect.
God is.
He makes mistakes.
God doesn’t.
Satan is destined for failure.
God holds the victory to you already. What the enemy meant for evil, God intended [and works] for good.
From a place of redemption: My doubt brought perseverance. My lust brought God’s strength. My fear made the path to needing and meeting His peace. My health crisis’ brought the reality of Him to full view when I had been blinded to my mortality and need before. My failings brought perseverance by years of the Holy Spirit’s teaching. Even our deepest griefs… that no one can share in entirely (but God, Who perhaps grieves them even more than we do)… but grief that no one is a stranger to… even these He mends into beauty and it is well for and well by my soul to praise Him.
Be teachable.
Know God, by knowing His Word. The Bible.
Pay attention.
I realize as the chiropractor is working on me just how not self-aware I am. He asks me what hurts, where, how I describe it, how I compare it. I’m not a self-aware person in that sense. But I believe you can learn to be.
So learn.
I didn’t start off with a point, I built one. Maybe that was obvious but I hope you took something from it.
Ciao, friends
* Days later I'm here to wrap up this little story more fully:
So here's the funny thing, I knew God could heal me. But I didn't trust Him to do it. I figured He wouldn't. And if I'm very honest, in spite of what my experiences may have told me, maybe I didn't really think He could, either. He does the more "invisible miracles". He can't just heal my back, that's not His M.O. to be so topically obvious.
So why bother asking. Save Him some face.
Oh stupid, silly heart.
I finally did make an appeal, "God please just heal this," I grit out driving to work Friday.
Saturday I lay on my floor unable to move, in so much pain. I finally got up to get ready to go see family, but was feeling very skeptical if I could stomach the drive. And you know what? I will be forever convinced that God simply took pity on me:
Because I fell.
I don't fall you guys haha. Not ever.
One second I was standing and the next my feet went out from under me, I came down hard on my right hip and slide out onto my back.
Scream is a big word, I did not scream but some loud noise came out of me, and no one was home this weekend to hear it. I lay there a minute thinking, "This is how I die." (Geez, girl haha)
After I got over the shock and self pity, I realized I was not paralyzed, I could get up. Further... it didn't hurt.
Further I could bend.
And move. And function as a 22 year old should.
"God did you just... fix me?"
The ever increasing pain turned on it's head and regressed. The chiropractor looked at me Monday and said, "God's a better chiropractor than I could ever be." Apparently falling, really hard on just the right spot did me the world of good and I am grateful.
The problem isn't gone, obviously, I'm sorta just this way and we're looking into it. But the pain is back to square one (minimal to non-existent) and I can drive and bend and roll over and I'm so grateful.
Don't limit God. Don't put Him in a box or tell Him Who He is or how He loves or what He can do. Don't lock yourself up from all that will do you good, either. Let Him free you from your boxes.
Love,
Sarah
P.S. One more thought. I highly encourage you to support and help God's Kingdom any way you can. Be an advocate. Be a giver. You can. You can you can. It is such a joy to be a part of. And it's so needed and honestly the Bible doesn't list it as just a nice option. Like, live it y'all. Live it sincerely. Let's do a heart check. Thanks friends.
Comments