January 10, 2023
I fell hard core down the comparison rabbit hole today. One thing leads to another and suddenly I'm like, "Oh, she's pretty, she writes amazing worship music, mine is so lame in comparison how did I ever think I stood a chance in a world with girls like these." Oy. Hold up girlfriend.
I caught it. The thought. I ripped my eyes off the screen and turned off the phone and went on with my evening.
Later I was talking to God while driving. He asked me recently to take a break from dating and dreaming and striving and let Him love me and redefine happy instead. And I told Him I would. More story on that later. I'm actually really excited to talk about it haha. But for now:
I asked God how I could delight in Him more, not really feelin' it tbh. When suddenly one of my "happy songs" came on the radio. Build a Boat, Colton Dixion ha. And I suddenly smiled, my eyes brightened, "Thanks, God!"
But it was like He was there pushing the bangs out of my face, gentle correction, love beaming out of His eyes, "Don't compare yourself, baby girl."
Oy.
Correction taken, Lord.
And it was so warm. It filled me with warmth to remember that I am loved. That God is pleased with me. A win for *her* is also a win for the Kingdom, so that's a win for me! That I don't need to dwell in destructive places. I can surrender, turn to look through His eyes. I went home and put the phone away and journaled. Something about having to actually process your thoughts - bring truth and reason and Jesus to them- instead of just letting them sit unfiltered as I scroll seeking some kind of approval I won't find... something about that is very settling. Jesus and I had some great heart-searching moments. I hope that encourages you somehow.
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the Name of the Lord. He is jealous for you and I. He changes us every day into His likeness, surrender to Him and His love and correction and goodness. And taking on His perspective, changing my focus... I don't know guys. It really does just change everything in a moment. Waiting on Him is good, letting Him fill you instead of taking the world's dose of Ibuprofen... He is enough, and it really is all for Him. He gives. He takes away. It is well with my soul and I can lift my hands, natural or unnatural as it feels, in surrender. I love Him so.
So here. That's really all I had to say but I also wanted to share a random update of things I like because they brought me joy.
Songs: Novo Amor's "Carry You", "State Lines" is also beautiful. I don't know that I could tell you what they mean which may be concerning lol... but I digress. And Chris Lanzon's remake of "Iris" was stunning. I also rediscovered the oldie "Bad Day" this week and may have danced with it on repeat for 30 minutes haha. Not that I expect you'll actually look any of those up, but you should at least appreciate "Carry You." It blooms into this intense cascade of beauty. Truly.
Food: I made just chicken and sweet potato this week but with the BEST seasoning. I think with some quinoa that's a gold star plate.
What am I even saying haha what is a gold star plate? It's too late for this guys haha
I don't know what to say, I really just wanted to say God loves you, comparing yourself isn't good for anybody and those songs I like. I also got into beading this week though haha.. I wanted to make an anklet, so I got on Youtube and learned how. I was so in the zone my thoughts turned off the whole hour. It was the best. And it actually turned out cool which is a bonus.
So I guess I'll give you a phone dump that's been sitting on my camera roll and say until-next-time. I have a wedding blog and the Part 3 to Unspeakable sitting in drafts.
From my first and only latte art haha, to dancing to "Bad Day" and taking a photo in the mirror for memory's sake. Post wedding ice cream, my random watercolors, to my thankful list and cherry pie. Here they are. I have a weird obsession with zooming in and screenshoting, like the frog watercolor. Now all my dark secrets are out there for you. I have nothing left haha
Love, Sarah
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