The Importance of Friendship

February 12, 2022

"Show me a man's five closest friends and I can tell you who he is."

It's not a very catchy title, friendship somehow often gets thrown to the wayside, but do y'all understand the life-altering importance of friendships?

My whole life I was disinterested in the topic. I loved my friends but if I was going to study something or hear a youth group sermon, I'd much rather it be on dating or something more exciting. But how many of you were wrecked by a friendship? How many of you are married and long deeply for friendships? How many of you blossomed under the sunlight of living life with excellent friends? I would wager friendships actually are one of the top priorities in our lives. Maybe you call it "your social life" or something different, but your community. The people around you you do life with.

They matter. And they shape exactly who you're going to become.

Do you like them? Haha I mean like, do you like the fruit of their lives, the cause and effect of their words and actions and life? We have all heard that bad company corrupts good morals. Who you walk with the most matters.

I'm not here to discourage you about what friends you keep haha. Quite the opposite. I'm here to encourage you to love people, have all kinds of friends. Jesus is a good friend to all kinds of people. But DO, yes, do be choosy about the friends you walk intimately with. Who are close to your heart and have level ten access to your time. If you get to chose who you are going to be, who you are going to submit to, who you are going to emulate, choose good companions for yourself and pray for God to bring you some. And then be friendly haha.

Some of you are desperately lonely and I don't want to diminish that. Seek God relentlessly and reach out to community. Keep going. Keep going.

God has put two things so heavily on my heart/walk that I can't stop talking about them: be in and of the Word of God, and be in community.

Why are we so independent? Why are we so convinced that we're not supposed to need anybody else? When we feel lonely we tell ourselves it's okay, we have God and He is enough. And YES GOD IS ENOUGH. But He didn't put you here to be by yourself. When Adam was walking with God in the garden, God still gave him community because he wasn't meant to be alone. Not just marriage. That does a disservice to all of us not married people haha. Community. Mankind multiplied and there were many.

Relationships, friendships, they are broken and messy because we're human in a fallen world. But we need each other. And we need to be willing to traverse the broken and messy. As Christians, especially when you both love Jesus, seek to honor the other person above yourself in your words and actions. I don't always do this well at all. But be willing to grow. Bend your pride. Say you're sorry without excuses. Speak your feelings truthfully but in love and compassion. I don't know guys - you don't need me to preach at you, I just want to remind you. Just to remind you. That love is worth it and putting someone else before yourself will get you much farther than living for yourself. There is a place for good boundaries and for you to be wise about what you say and who you let in your life. And there is a place to love selflessly. God can protect you, God can be your witness. Some seasons call for laying yourself down.

I was at a birthday party last night celebrating our sweet Emma turning 22. And everyone went around saying what they loved about her, how she is a faithful friend -- letting her know that we saw her and appreciated her. Lavishing love. And I desire so much to do this for my friends. So even if no one else reads this let me expose my friends in the best way possible.

Because God has given me a double portion. I heard an old song the other day, I don't know the words exactly, but it said "Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy but I have friends who love me," and that phrase warmed me through and through as I realized something important. My dad asked how I got so many amazing, godly friends. --And truly, they are amazing. And I said, "You and mom prayed for me to have them since I was little." And in this season of God covering me and having me single, he has not left me without earthly love. My friends and family are a blessing. A literal blessing (noun: "God's favor and protection"). My friends love me so well and they are frickin' warriors for Jesus. I was given a double portion many times over, because God knew I needed them. We need people. We're designed to need God. We're designed to need others. It's okay.

I don't play favorites, this is not in order of importance haha. Just depends who's picture I find first haha

Ashlyn

Ashlyn, how can I explain how deeply I love you? I've known you since we were really little and grown up with you. I'm not sure when it was exactly that we bonded and became best friends, but I'm still in awe because I thought you were so cool when we were little haha. I think a lot of people wonder how you can be so "perfect". Because you are beautiful, talented, graceful in conversation, servant-hearted and delightful in God. However, perfect is an unfair word and view. We both know that no one escapes this life unscathed, and perfect is an image that belongs to God alone. Here in the imperfect, thank you for walking with me. For letting me know you and see you. Walking through the pain with me, sharing yours and helping me carry mine. Thank you for the endless laughter -- you are the most clever, witty person I know! You have made my life a joy in so many ways, but especially getting to work with you most days. Getting to be together in the workplace has given work so much joy, which is something I had lacked in previous jobs. I used to dread work. It was a source of tears and depression. But our job is life-giving, thanks for being a light with me so I'm not alone.

You have [nearly ;)] flawless taste in music making you one of the cool kids haha. Carpooling is my favorite because I have someone to share all my new favorites with and yours in turn inspire me. (Songs should be a love language haha, I apparently feel very bonded by it.) You make me beautiful watercolor cards every occasion you can and fill them with words of such encouragement I could cry thinking about them. They're all out in the open in my room, not tucked away in a drawer. You are my calm head of stability when my emotions take me for a ride. You are a faithful listener. And the words you speak display that you spend time with God. It's written all over who you are. You have been the most faithful friend and are one of my most precious treasures. Thank you for praying for me and loving me constantly. You show up for me over and over and over. You are wise. Selfless. I love you with everything I am.

Anyways. Our thing is to sit on your bedroom floor for hours with tea and chocolate. To go to the river in summer A LOT. To grab some fresh air after work on a trail somewhere. To sit at the piano and sing something requiring amazing harmony.

Mom

Mama I'm grateful you were my mother first and foremost, but to become your friend as well, as an adult, has been a joy. You know me better than pretty much anybody. We balance each other out really well. We are so different and so the same it's startling haha. You take endless joy in being a grandmother. You serve so hard and so faithfully everybody around you. If there is a job that needs to be done, you are behind the scenes doing it, and as someone (speaking of myself) who likes credit, I really really long for that to be recognized for you. But serving God is really just enough for you. You inspire me daily. You do hard things. Even raising children that are not your own and loving them towards Jesus through all the pain. That will forever mark you. You are patient as I'm sure it's difficult to bring up someone as messy and creative as I was haha, but even to this day you are a patient teacher and help as I'm ever growing out of that messy part ;). You always put me in a position to thrive. Thank you for the gift of music, which has seen me through so much of life. That was because of you. This all, actually, is because of you and Dad and the Holy Spirit growing me. As I watch you tirelessly care for your parents I'm trying to absorb it and let it change who I am. I want to be like you. Putting in the hard work for the long run. Running two households is no easy task, yet somehow you do it. You care deeply about everyone in your life. You love quiet and simplicity. You love your chickens which is endlessly adorable, and your garden is incredible. Your country ballads and books. You work hard on your home and property -- not that work defines you, I'm just in awe because that's so not what I love to do, but you show me how to faithfully do it. You love to play cards with your family just to be together. You and grandma are forever my favorite cooks. Thank you for loving God and raising me rightly in a home of love.

Sianna

We need new pictures together ;) we're babies in all of these haha.

To my first best friend that stayed.

My very heart.

To my first roommate. My adventure buddy. My sis. If I didn't have you by my side as a teen, I have no idea where I'd be. I don't want to know. Setting you up with my brother is a fun story I'll always get to tell, it's also one I don't know how to tell well anymore because then he whisked you away haha. But it's as it should be. And God was gracious that I get to keep you forever this way ;). Really I just love you. I cherish your heart and passions deeply. Very few opinions matter to me, but yours is one I want because yours is a heart I want to protect. You always speak the truth. You always hold me close no matter the season. You care so deeply and put all of yourself into whatever you do.

We have shared so much life that words don't seem to do it justice. Our travels are some of my most precious memories, late night walks for pizza in New York, touching the Atlantic for the first time. Fireworks at Disneyland as we learned how to be adults on our first solo trip. Growing pains hit us, I don't think either of us love change, but then you were still there in the end teaching me all about grace. You were the first person I shared my heart with as I came to you with my eating disorder and struggle with sexual sin first. Jesus gave me you, first. And I am so grateful for your love. Laughter over silly teenage crushes and going to square dancing every week was the highlight of my youth lol. You are fearless and bold, quiet and strong. Deep rivers and warm coffee on misty autumn mornings. You have taught me so much and I miss you more than words can say. We really need to treat this like a dating relationship, because facetime is a thing. People make long distance work all the time.

Emma

I think we both landed on the word "depth" to describe our relationship. Zero to sixty. Breathlessly staring at the other wondering what just happened that we were zapped into best friends.

You listen to my songs. I send you all of them haha, all the ideas and awkward starts, tearful processing or cry to God, you listen to them all. You hear my heart. You are a safe place.

You match me word for word in depth and length. I've never met someone so like myself but so different. Every staggeringly long text is met with another staggeringly long response. Or a voice memo. Or five. Because our schedules don't allow for a lot of one-on-one, but we're working on it.

You show me Jesus' love. You let me come to you with accountability, you pray for me, you speak life over me. You celebrate when I shine and in every victory. You fight for me when I need strength. You show up no matter what, it's only a matter of how: so when I was hurting beyond words last year you said, "I'm going to do A, B or C. You pick which one." I timidly chose the "Emma drops everything and drives to my house in the night to pray with me" option and you let me cry with you. You brought healing in your love.

Be it trying on everything in the mall, watching Sherlock, your little sisters crawling all over us or going out on the town dressed to the nines, you bring so much fun into my life. I love that you're starting a podcast and I love that I get to be a part of it's beginning. I love that you pursue Jesus with every fiber of your being, because that is all I desire as well. I love that you are so incredibly gifted with poetry and words and you use it to bless others in the most profound ways imaginable. (**Emma wrote me a poem for my 22nd birthday that I cherish. She gave me a star necklace to symbolize it that I wear most all the time.)

Alayna

Oh, my very heart!! You girlfriend! How I adore you! You are one of the absolute greatest joys of my life. From being my photography sidekick to laying around doing nothing but just so long as we're together. I've written a lot about you on my blog already but thank you for being my sister. I anticipate with great gladness and eagerness the many life adventures we'll share up ahead. In a world full of people in different stages, it's nice to have a kindred spirit in the same place. I fully intend to live life with abandon, seeking and serving Jesus next to you and chasing light together.

Anna

What a faithful woman you are. I remember the first time we prayed together and it struck me, left me speechless. Because you pray with confidence and intention and power and assurance. Not because of many words or fancy "tricks" so to speak, but because of sincere faith in the One you're praying to. I had misunderstood your quiet and gentle exterior- suddenly there was a lion inside you roaring and it delighted me.

You have shown great strength, growth and maturity as you become more like Christ every day. These aren't corny words I don't mean: truly. You always share encouraging words for me that I feel helpless to reciprocate with equal grace, like, how do you do that? The Holy Spirit has really given you the gift of encouragement and prayer. I'd like to grow in that like you. I cherish you and value our friendship, dear one.

Renae

How sweet to have a new friend who I feel as though I must have known my whole life. You feel remarkably like home. I love being in your home, be it reading the Bible, playing games with your siblings or watching a show in Korean haha. Grabbing coffee, or more recently yelling through a high-school basketball game or getting ice cream while you tease me until I blush about the boy we'd just met. Thanks for that :). It's been a long while since I was able to laugh and gush about boys.

Swapping secrets (as if I had any lol) and going out to do fun things, you make me feel like a 23 year old girl, like we're on top of the world and can do anything. And I love our time endlessly. So thanks for trusting me, the loud and effervescent chick haha, and for diving into friendship. Not everyone brings out my extrovert so it's a lot of fun for me. Idk, my heart just kinda latched onto yours. And as long as you'll have me haha, I feel like we have a lot of life ahead of us.

Gretchen

This picture displays your beauty, but man I love how willing you are to display your vibrancy and goofiness and enthusiasm for life. You are the most alive person I know. In it. Hard core. Sporty, snow-shredding, river diving, gym hitting, speed-seeking queen. Everything I'm not haha, but you are so warm and open and daring you make me want to be a risk-taker. Full of laughter, full of Jesus, but also full of a steady calm and a seekers heart. It's funny, I'm not really someone who likes to be touched beyond hugs. Or at least that's what I thought. It's chill if I initiate it, but to just have someone come up and rub my back or stroke my hair or curl up to me is just not something I've ever experienced and you do it all the flippin' time. Come to find out I really enjoy it, so thanks for teaching me how to live life more connected and deeply. And for being someone I can lavish physical affection on :), I can give long hugs and play with your hair and it's totally fine. A girl needs that.

Kimberly

My Sissy <3. God knew I needed a sister, I had to wait fourteen years to get you but thanks for being my sister this last decade. You helped me grow up in more ways than I can count. You stretched me to try new things and have fun. You're the first call when I need someone and I love that we can just hang out as good friends all the time. Thanks for singing with me and being there in the best and lowest moments. You are the best wife my big brother could have ever asked for and you gave me the two most precious gifts ever of my nephews, my endless joys. You love and seek Jesus and are an honorable woman. Through devastating loss you pursue Jesus and community and faith, and it is truly inspiring. You love to laugh and dance and have fun. You love a good party and any reason to celebrate. Of all the women in the world I got you to be my forever sister. How gracious of God to give me someone so different than myself, so lovely, someone who pursued me and delights in my family and grows me in the best ways possible, towards life and Jesus.

Staci

My mentor. The woman who changed my life. The woman who poured into me and showed me Jesus at a very young and impressionable age. Who has continued to love me my whole life through and is now just the dearest of friends. I don't know how someone can glow the way she does, but her love for Jesus is literally physically apparent. She has studied and served faithfully no matter the cost, endured many trials with beautiful faith. She is a source of wisdom and gentleness. The most delightful person I know. The embodiment of everything pure haha - can you tell I'm biased and think the world of her? Jesus is so beautiful and real and Staci is one of His many but precious good gifts to the world.

Love, Sarah

P.S. If you didn't make it on here it's not because I don't love you haha - it's actually probably because I got tired of staring at my computer and we probably don't have a picture I like of us hahaha. There are so many more people I want to name.